Being overweight and not loving yourself?

Being an overweight person is not the greatest thing in life. And you know what? I'm overweight too. Now let me tell you on behalf of everybody out there that have issues with their weight -We didn't asked to be like this nor did we wanted to become like this. It happens. Things come and go. There were the ups and downs, emotional breakdowns, lack of self-esteem, the urge for someone to love you. And I know this because I've been there.

I've never really talked about my weight. I knew myself that I was obese, I just didn't bring up the topic. But no obese person nor a person with weight problem would feel comfortable to talk about it. Because it made us feel low and that we felt not accepted in the society because of our figures.

I was never really the fat kid when I was young. I still remembered when I could fit in those leggings, and small sweater (for your information, it was a school uniform and I was like 8 haha I'm not a slut hahahaha) okay so, choosing clothes were just a an eye popping experience because there will definitely be a size. None of my friends or my family questioned about my weight. I was just a normal kid who lived her life with nothing to worry about. By the time I came back to Malaysia, that was when everything hit me. People started saying things that made feel hurt. Being called fat was not a nice thing to say especially when you're going a hormonal stage. So by not forgiving and forgetting, I got deeply affected because it was not only my 'friends' that pointed it out, but my family was also brutal towards me. My sister non stopped calling me fat or a pig. And my mum called me fat whenever she got mad at me, and when it comes from the mouth of a mother it just make you feel worthless. I had many fights with my mother, and at times I hated her. And so at times I hated my father. And my sister. And mostly, I hated myself. And I think my situation is similar to anyone out there who felt being slightly different from the 'perfects'.

Because of this I formed a depression, I started to have OCD -pulling my hair out. And I remembered where there was a time where every single night I would literally cry my balls out in my room and talk to myself or frankly having my one-on-one conversation with God. Because I felt like nobody loved me. I felt like my parents hated me. I felt like I was just a parasite. The stress, the pain, being overly tired, just giving up hope. I had no friends, literally, I had NO FRIENDS. I was very unsocial. But when I met up with the right friends, the right people, parents gotten a divorce, people gave you pity, shit starts happening, you deal with em -and you get used to it. So, yes I was aware of my obesity. And I know I'm not a figure that is capable to do many things I want to be. Buying new clothes kills me. Finding the right size suffocates me. I get emotional because you know why? I want to be part of everything. Being able to wear clothes that looked good on me, where makeup and not look like a cow, speak and laugh without turning into a freakin' walrus. All that crap. I want that. Some people want to walk on a catwalk, but me? I want to run a marathon. I want to finish a 8km run during my school's cross country. Being able to participate in sports, being able to fit in those jeans, being able to eat anything I want without looking different. I want that. All fat people want that.

I know that I'm fat. And I know for those who know they are fat accepts the fact that they are fat. And I accept the fact too. Being on 5.3m tall, and 77kg, you don't look healthy. Actually, you look like a great candidate for the next mayor of Hippotown. Last year, I lost 8 kilos, and this year I gained 5 kilos. Due to the stress, family issues, new studies, I get tired so all that I want to do is just sleep and eat and eat and freakin' sleep.

But, eventhough I'm obese, it doesn't mean I don't love myself. It doesn't mean you have to hate and punish yourself for being what you are. I'm not talking obesity, but also being a bulimic, homosexual, trans, anorexic, albino, disabled or whatever, you should never hate yourself for being what you are. We didn't chose it, NO, it was what to become. And god-forbid, my religion doesn't accept homosexual or trans or the likings besides the attraction of a boy to a girl, but my religion or in this case any religion teaches us to respect each other no matter what our background is. So if you are a person who thinks you're 'perfect' and that US who are not what what you are is disgusting, then I think you are just ignorant. Being different is what makes the world a place of variations. If everyone was exactly the same, thus life becomes boring. Each individuals have their pros and cons, so in the obese society our pros probably be that we have a nice personality, talented, honest, and that our cons is just that we are fat.

We got to love ourselves. We got to appreciate ourselves, and our body, heart and soul before we can appreciate somebody else. What is the point of being happy for someones else when you are crying every night because you hate yourself? Learn to accept and face life. But it doesn't mean that if you're fat, you got to stay fat. You can - wait, WE can change that and make a difference. And I know I should too, by starting slow -eating healthier, start light exercises, reduce the intakes and so so. So what about if we do this together? I want to start now. I want to start with you. Let's do it together. Email me : nurshafiqah1998@gmail.com and let's build a happier self. My goal is to weigh 50 kilos. Email me. God, if somewhere actually does, I really want to do it together and accomplish together. I really want to be happier.

xoxo, SA.

Handling stress.

 

You know you're having stress when you're starting to have acne outbursts, a craving for food, sleeping in, lack of motivation to do anything and a bad mood situation.

Stress is an awful thing, it gives you discomfort. You're thinking too much and you get overwhelmed. It's just too much to handle. There are many cause of stress and some are related to me. Sometimes stress could lead you to depression.

1) Family:

You feel as if your family isn't your family. You feel like you are an outcast and no one loves you. You feel like you are a burden to your parents. Your parents discourage you a lot in situations here you want to succeed. You constantly fight with your siblings and hate them, wishing they never existed.

2) Friends:

Your friends don't understand the situation your going through. They assume you are okay. They don't know the situation of your family problems, your personal issues. They don't understand who you really are. You feel like your friends are hopeless and not worthy to be your friends. At times it's the conflict between the friendship. Love, fights, misunderstandings.

3) Studies:

The studies are just too hard to coop with. You've gotten fed up on trying because it makes you tired. You lack of motivation to try because you know you are already left behind.

4) Lack of Sleep:

There are so many things that you have to handle. At times it kills time and you feel stressed out. No room for homework, no room for leisure, no room for anything. Even if you sleep early it's never enough. At times sleeping early doesn't mean you have accomplish every task needed to be accomplished.

5) The opposite sex:

Your mind goes wondering about the the opposite sex. Your feelings towards that person and how it's affecting your life. You lack of focus because whatever the person does makes you want alerted. You get jealous with the third person. Your feelings are messed up. You don't want to admit you have fallen for the person because you know that person have someone else in his/her life.

Those are the things that stresses me out. And to find the solution to get the stress out of your mind, to avoid the depression is doing the following:

1) Cry: Crying helps release stress hormones. It's okay to cry.

2) Sleep: After you're done with the crying, you'll get sleepy. That is the best time to forget all the things that's messing up your inside. Sleep. Once you wake up, you'll feel okay, because you sleep on on your problems.

3) Music: Listen to music, it helps decrease the stress hormones. Music takes your mind off on things. The more stress is reduced, the more productivity there will be. Music distracts you from all the mix emotions.

4) Happiness: Be happy, forget the haters. Do what ever you you want that pleases you. Don't bother the people that will bring you down.

5) Tea: Drink tea, whenever I feel stress out, I will drink Chamomile tea. It calms you nerves down. Here is the link that shows the top 10 stress relieving teas : http://www.ahealthy.us/top-10-stress-relieving-teas/

6) Pray: If you're not a religious person, start on trying to pray to God. Ask for his help. God is kind and He will help you slowly. Keep praying to Him, and eventually you'll feel at ease. Talk to Him, God always listen.

Be happy. God loves you.

xoxo

Fall in love with happiness.

Who doesn't want to feel happy? If you're never happy, that means you're lying. Sometimes happiness comes from the little things like when you decide to go out and stand there in the dark. You can't see anything because it's pitch black and you're starting to have these crazy thoughts of someone going to scare you any moment now. But then you hold your breath, you gaze up to the sky. At first you don't notice much, you see little dots all over the sky and a moon. But then you take a longer glance, you squint your eyes and the view just takes your breath away. You see how beautiful the moon is, how round and bright it is with the accompany of million glimmering stars.

And you can only say,

"Wow..."

It's too amazing to describe how you really feel. Do you know what I mean? It makes me happy just to look at something as beautiful as the creation of God up there in the sky. Who knows what more hides behind the moon and stars.

Sometimes for me, being happy is always the little things. It brings the biggest meaning to you, who it means the world to you.

An offering of a piece of candy, the scent of lavender and roses, a drop of vanilla into a cake batter, the chase between two kittens, the laugh of a child, the smell of a new book, the feel  of rain, the colors of the rainbow, the love between the ones that's been together half of their lives.

Everybody deserves to be happy. No one should be sad and depressed.

I've been depressed once. For two years, I felt like I was nothing, that everybody hated me. Everynight I would go to my room and cry myself to sleep.

My conversations with God were limitless.

And when I found happiness through family, friends and life; it makes me sad to remember I used to have a depressing past. But then I would just let it go because it's hopeless thinking what is now the past.

If you think you're changing in attitude and behavior, be aware it might be signs you are being unhappy. I know because I'm currently unhappy. I have no mood to learn, talk with my friends, smile. My charm have drifted away, friends are starting to keep their distance. And I feel bad. I'm the one at lost.

So chin up, if you're sad then be happy. Forget the ones that hurt you, delete the horrible memories, stop the negetive thoughts because you deserve to be happy. I deserve to be happy. Fall in love with happiness and try seeking it everywhere you go. Be greedy.

If you have enough of feeling sad and pathetic, seek a friend. Talk about it, but if you're not brave enough just seek advices and take that. Hug a friend, hug them tight, say that you are sorry and they will ask why, you must answer.

"No reason, I'm just sorry for everything"

If she/he asks why again, change topic or smile. Smile and have a little laugh. A weight have been lifted of your shoulders. And if you end up tearing, hug them tighter.

Tell them if you want to tell them, open up because the right ones are there for you.

Be happy, God loves you.

xoxo