Being an overweight person is not the greatest thing in life. And you know what? I'm overweight too. Now let me tell you on behalf of everybody out there that have issues with their weight -We didn't asked to be like this nor did we wanted to become like this. It happens. Things come and go. There were the ups and downs, emotional breakdowns, lack of self-esteem, the urge for someone to love you. And I know this because I've been there.
I've never really talked about my weight. I knew myself that I was obese, I just didn't bring up the topic. But no obese person nor a person with weight problem would feel comfortable to talk about it. Because it made us feel low and that we felt not accepted in the society because of our figures.
I was never really the fat kid when I was young. I still remembered when I could fit in those leggings, and small sweater (for your information, it was a school uniform and I was like 8 haha I'm not a slut hahahaha) okay so, choosing clothes were just a an eye popping experience because there will definitely be a size. None of my friends or my family questioned about my weight. I was just a normal kid who lived her life with nothing to worry about. By the time I came back to Malaysia, that was when everything hit me. People started saying things that made feel hurt. Being called fat was not a nice thing to say especially when you're going a hormonal stage. So by not forgiving and forgetting, I got deeply affected because it was not only my 'friends' that pointed it out, but my family was also brutal towards me. My sister non stopped calling me fat or a pig. And my mum called me fat whenever she got mad at me, and when it comes from the mouth of a mother it just make you feel worthless. I had many fights with my mother, and at times I hated her. And so at times I hated my father. And my sister. And mostly, I hated myself. And I think my situation is similar to anyone out there who felt being slightly different from the 'perfects'.
Because of this I formed a depression, I started to have OCD -pulling my hair out. And I remembered where there was a time where every single night I would literally cry my balls out in my room and talk to myself or frankly having my one-on-one conversation with God. Because I felt like nobody loved me. I felt like my parents hated me. I felt like I was just a parasite. The stress, the pain, being overly tired, just giving up hope. I had no friends, literally, I had NO FRIENDS. I was very unsocial. But when I met up with the right friends, the right people, parents gotten a divorce, people gave you pity, shit starts happening, you deal with em -and you get used to it. So, yes I was aware of my obesity. And I know I'm not a figure that is capable to do many things I want to be. Buying new clothes kills me. Finding the right size suffocates me. I get emotional because you know why? I want to be part of everything. Being able to wear clothes that looked good on me, where makeup and not look like a cow, speak and laugh without turning into a freakin' walrus. All that crap. I want that. Some people want to walk on a catwalk, but me? I want to run a marathon. I want to finish a 8km run during my school's cross country. Being able to participate in sports, being able to fit in those jeans, being able to eat anything I want without looking different. I want that. All fat people want that.
I know that I'm fat. And I know for those who know they are fat accepts the fact that they are fat. And I accept the fact too. Being on 5.3m tall, and 77kg, you don't look healthy. Actually, you look like a great candidate for the next mayor of Hippotown. Last year, I lost 8 kilos, and this year I gained 5 kilos. Due to the stress, family issues, new studies, I get tired so all that I want to do is just sleep and eat and eat and freakin' sleep.
But, eventhough I'm obese, it doesn't mean I don't love myself. It doesn't mean you have to hate and punish yourself for being what you are. I'm not talking obesity, but also being a bulimic, homosexual, trans, anorexic, albino, disabled or whatever, you should never hate yourself for being what you are. We didn't chose it, NO, it was what to become. And god-forbid, my religion doesn't accept homosexual or trans or the likings besides the attraction of a boy to a girl, but my religion or in this case any religion teaches us to respect each other no matter what our background is. So if you are a person who thinks you're 'perfect' and that US who are not what what you are is disgusting, then I think you are just ignorant. Being different is what makes the world a place of variations. If everyone was exactly the same, thus life becomes boring. Each individuals have their pros and cons, so in the obese society our pros probably be that we have a nice personality, talented, honest, and that our cons is just that we are fat.
We got to love ourselves. We got to appreciate ourselves, and our body, heart and soul before we can appreciate somebody else. What is the point of being happy for someones else when you are crying every night because you hate yourself? Learn to accept and face life. But it doesn't mean that if you're fat, you got to stay fat. You can - wait, WE can change that and make a difference. And I know I should too, by starting slow -eating healthier, start light exercises, reduce the intakes and so so. So what about if we do this together? I want to start now. I want to start with you. Let's do it together. Email me : nurshafiqah1998@gmail.com and let's build a happier self. My goal is to weigh 50 kilos. Email me. God, if somewhere actually does, I really want to do it together and accomplish together. I really want to be happier.
xoxo, SA.
